I am continually surprised at the great lengths people will go to in order to get one off. Until this morning, for instance, I had no idea that someone would be as bonkers as to indulge in ‘fire-play’ to achieve sexual stimulation. But it turns out there are enough people out there willing to waft naked flames over their loved ones that someone felt it necessary to write a whole damn book on the subject, complete with instructions, pictures and (thank God) first aid information.
According to Flames Of Passion, it can be a ‘fascinating, dynamic and edgy form of play’. I don’t wish to piss on anyone’s bonfire, but would you risk first-degree burns for a bit of sizzling bedroom action? They also add that ‘the usual goal is to have fun while not incinerating your submissive’. Which infers that perhaps sometimes this is the aim, and doesn’t give me much faith in their philosophy.
There’s a reason Flames Of Passion bears a striking resemblance to a chemistry textbook, and that’s because playing with fire is, frankly, rather dangerous. Despite Forum’s forty years at the top as a sexually liberated and open-minded magazine title, I simply cannot condone the idea of accidentally on purpose burning your beloved’s backside for kicks. It’s just wrong, on so many levels.
Having said that, anyone with the faintest whiff of an urge to get singed should definitely pick up a copy of this book. One look at the terrible low-resolution images and grossly unsexy text will put a damper on even the feistiest fire master’s burning loins, and save you from making a serious sexual misdemeanour.
Rhalou Allerhand
By David Walker and Robert J Rubel
Nazca Plains Corporation, £14.99